I am father.

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I am father.

Post by DroothR on Mon Aug 10, 2009 6:01 pm

Update:



Very Happy


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Archive: "Serious question: Visitation/Child Support"

Long story short, my ex-fiance is making my life hell.

With mere months before my child is due to enter our world, I'm getting nervous.

Does anyone here have much knowledge/experience with matters of visitation rights and child support?

There are a number of questionsI have that I can't find answers to.


Last edited by DroothR on Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I am father.

Post by The Dr Of Style on Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:28 am

No real experience but I know here in perth there is a place where you can get free legal advice (basic)....at least speaking to someone like that they can outline your options or where to go for info.....my personal feelings is that trying to work something out together would be a better option than using the court system.... making sure your name is on the birth certificate would also give you some pull if things were to turn ugly in the future

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Re: I am father.

Post by the dirty digger on Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:01 am

The law nowadays is much more slated towards equality in rights of the parents compared to how it was with 'mother gets 95% of the good stuff like your money and the children'.
Speak to a family law expert asap.

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Re: I am father.

Post by UncleCletusKasady on Tue Aug 11, 2009 2:15 pm

All i can add is do everything by the book through child support, make your payments to them and any problems go through them.
I had a mate back home who did the right thing by his ex and his kid by giving her cash in hand every week to cut out child support and make it easy for her and she basically fucked him over and told CS that he had given her no money since the kid was born because she was claiming support payments from the government!
He got stung for thousands so please do the right thing by her and your kid but also do the right thing by yourself.

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Re: I am father.

Post by DroothR on Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:04 pm

Thanks everyone.

The visitation issue isn't something that I'll need to pursue yet, I just want to be prepared in case I do need to.

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Re: I am father.

Post by creecher on Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:20 pm

Sorry to be late chiming in here. Don't visit often.

The CSA are a useless lot. Things have changed since I have had to deal with them, though I can't see them changing that much. I'll just go ahead and tell you some of my experiences.

Once the child is born I expect your ex will head straight to Centrelink to lodge the appropriate forms. In my day I, being the male, couldn't lodge forms or make payments via CSA until the other half had done so. My kids were just approaching their teens, The payments were back dated to the date she left. I hadn't squirreled any money away, because I had none and was having a hard enough time finding money to pay rent and the mortgage, so I was in arrears about 4 months. So find out how much you're likely to have to pay and put it away, or you'll be hit with another bill.

They garnished money from my wages, because they could. If my wages changed, which they never did, I had to notify them immediately, within a fortnight. My ex only had to do her tax to keep them informed. That led to all manner of problems, as she salary sacrificed money to her credit card, making her taxable income smaller, which affected my payments. It only took them about 9 or so months to sort it out, but only through my persistence and writing letters to CSA, Ombudsmen and my local MP, further complicating matters.

At one stage they sent me an invoice saying I owed them $130. How could that be if my salary never changed and they were the ones garnishing my wage??? Two weeks later they reckoned I owed them $900. The amounts changed like the wind, They had no clue how much I actually owed. My wage slips proved I had made the payments, but they claimed my employer never sent them on. What the hell was I or could I do about it??? Just letting you know your in for a world of hurt and frustration. The CSA are vastly undermanned, and wont rush to sort a situation out.

Visitation. I thought I could keep things flexible. Teenagers don't always want to see you in McDonalds on a Sat arvo when they'd rather be out with friends. The legal document stated "Whatever was agreed to between the parents". Big mistake. As there was nothing in writing as to what was agreed, I didn't see my kids for 8 years. Any contact would likely have brought some wrath from my ex. I pursued it in court, but realised forcing the children to see me would have caused more resentment from them. They promised if I dropped the court case against their mother, they come and see me. That never happened.

I had a lawyer. I followed advice. I went to the Family court. I did what I could. It was all a waste. I never even found out why she left. The laywers ripped me off. I asked how much I owed them, and they failed to tell me. They knew how much I'd walk away with, which wasn't much, and they took it. They really can't do anything anyway. Their hands are tied. It comes down to a formula, so whilst I thought they were fighting for me, they were just whitling away my financial share of the settlement. The formula are set, so arguing is non productive. They don't want to know about belongings and such, just assets like house and car. So you don't need one till you are absolutely forced, and even then don't contact them or allow them to send letters on your behalf, when it's just to and fro stuff. Keep all the information you have concerning your lease, as you may need the details later. You may even be able to offset certain monies you need to pay because your ex owes you.

As a young person you may be able to wear 18 years of crap and still make a life for yourself. I'm too old to get a mortgage because I'd never be able to make the repayments. At my age I had to move back with my parents or I'd be out on the street. I haven't even had a car since my divorce, or I wouldn't be able to pay the rent and bills.

Good luck. You'll need it.

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Re: I am father.

Post by DroothR on Mon Oct 19, 2009 6:38 pm

creecher wrote:Sorry to be late chiming in here. Don't visit often.

...
Ouch.

silent

I'm "lucky" in a way that my ex wants nothing to do with me, even anything financial.

She knows that she left me in the shit, and if she accepts nothing from me, in her mind I have no reason to ask her to front up on what she owes me. Rolling Eyes

Thanks for chiming in, I appreciate all the information I can get.

Odd timing though.

For the past month or so, most of my friends have stopped talking to me. It's gotten to me so much that I recently closed my Facebook account, as it just served as a daily reminder of all of the people that I considered friends, who apparently only perceived me as someone to consider a friend part-time.

Then just today one of my friends admitted to me that they received a long, nasty letter from my ex roughly a month ago, detailing to them what a horrible asshole I was (and if it was anything like the one she sent my mother, it's a mammoth abstract, psychedelic, emo novel).

pale

Now, I've only heard from 2 people that they've received such messages, but so many of my friends spontaneously ignoring me at the same time does seem rather co-incidental.

I don't know what's going to happen, I just know it's not going to be good (with my ex that is, my child will hopefully make up for that, provided my access is not limited).

The little one will be due in less than 2 months (going by conception date), and less than a month and a half according to the doc's estimate. Shocked

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Re: I am father.

Post by Dabigfella on Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:18 am

Well I hope everything gets sorted out, I know if my mates got a long winded letter they'd tell her to POQ.

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Re: I am father.

Post by Xenaphobia on Tue Oct 20, 2009 9:59 am

I'll just echo the comments of others in respect of obtaining legal advice. If you qualify, you should be able to obtain free legal advice through Legal Aid.

You may also qualify to receive free legal advice from a local community centre or legal clinic (although they're typically founded to establish the homeless, etc).

IF you need to pay a lawyer, try to do as much of the work yourself. That includes preparing a clear "summary of facts" before your initial interview in addition to preparing copies of any relevant documents and doing things like offering to take care of posting letters, sending faxes, doing photocopies, etc (they will charge you a lot for those items).

At the very least, I would try to get something in writing from your ex. I think some of the Family/Divorce Law Packs which are available online include custody/maintenance provisions, but I'm not sure how useful they would be for your current situation. A very basic document setting out what has been agreed between yourself and your ex in terms of access, maintenance, etc would be a good idea. It probably won't be considered binding (I think only court ordered custody arrangements are binding), but may provide a good foundation in the event a dispute arises.

Good luck.

Cheers.

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Re: I am father.

Post by mse6 on Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:28 am

DroothR wrote:
I'm "lucky" in a way that my ex wants nothing to do with me, even anything financial.
Be very very VERY careful...saying something 'now' does not stop her filing legal papers 'later'.
You best cover all the bases and make sure you are covered...which will be extremely difficult.

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Re: I am father.

Post by creecher on Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:30 am

DroothR wrote:I'm "lucky" in a way that my ex wants nothing to do with me, even anything financial.

She knows that she left me in the shit, and if she accepts nothing from me, in her mind I have no reason to ask her to front up on what she owes me. Rolling Eyes

I don't know what's going to happen, I just know it's not going to be good (with my ex that is, my child will hopefully make up for that, provided my access is not limited).

I have to back up mse6 on that advice. You don't know what she has in store for you later, seeing as how vindictive she's been by sending letters to you friends. It sounds like she's saying that because she doesn't want you in her life in any way. It's a warning that she's going to make it hard for you to see your kid. You've said she isn't financial, so I don't see a single mother not applying for maintenance. It may be a year down the road, and it will likely be backdated. You'll have an enormous debt with the CSA. You can get an estimate from Centrelink of the approximate maintenance you'll be likely to have to pay. Squirrel that money away. She may bide her time, so you can't recover the monies she owes you on the joint lease and whatever else she is obliged to pay, seeing as it sounds like you were covering her financially in other areas as well. Check with your legal advisor to make sure on time limits on those matters. In the meantime accumulate documents, statements, receipts, wages earned etc, for the time you were in a relationship with her.

I lost some friends along the way. It's a time when you find out who your friends really are. Acquaintances do tend to take sides, and the fence sitters that want to remain friends with both of you, I found, doesn't work. I'd confront them about why you haven't heard from them. It could be they are afraid of the mess, and or want to give you some space to work things out. You wont know until you ask, and in the meantime your assumptions only serve to confuse and make you suspicious.

In the end your access will be limited. Whatever times/days are alloted, via the courts, doesn't mean she will adhere to them. If she doesn't show with the child, what are the authorities going to do for you? You'll be seen as the bad guy in whatever action you take. She may move interstate, overseas, whatever. Letters, Birthday cards, Xmas cards you send to the child may go missing. It's never ending frustration, even if things go your way, just gathering information, filling out forms, waiting for results etc. It will drive you as mad as what your willing to go through to obtain justice. Ha. At some point acceptance is your only answer to having some sanity. Before then it's a daily fight, till you know the system, and where you stand in it.

Looking at a womans side of the story, from a mans perspective behind the 8 ball, you can't blame them for leaving a relationship, because they're better off and have many services available to them. Such as help getting bonds and rent in advance, rental subsidies, pensions, baby bonus, child care etc. You only have your wits. There isn't much for a single bloke. Be sure to keep your wits because whatever you have they'll be out to take it away from you.

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Re: I am father.

Post by DroothR on Wed Oct 21, 2009 1:32 pm

creecher wrote:You've said she isn't financial, so I don't see a single mother not applying for maintenance. It may be a year down the road, and it will likely be backdated. You'll have an enormous debt with the CSA....
I'm sure I read that CS is mandatory, so that will be going through as soon as I know where she is.

I (can, and) would have done all the paperwork already, but I need her details, and not knowing where she is, I can't fill out the forms. But as soon as I can (or she can) it will be done. No question.

Of course, the above hinges on her not disappearing entirely, which I am roughly 20% sure she's already done, just stringing me along for as long as she can to make it harder to track her down.

20%...

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Re: I am father.

Post by DroothR on Fri Oct 23, 2009 2:39 pm

Well how about that...

(Preface: When my fiance split, she left her chicken and 2 fish in my care)

Out of the blue yesterday I received an SMS from her (cue minor panic attack), but instead of news of early labour, or some sort of hostility, a request to drop the chicken (and it's pen, etc) off to her at her mother's house, where she'll pick her up. Apparently she got the chicken cleared with her landlord, so I agreed to drop her off tomorrow.

She's going to be there, so it seems that taking all that stuff to her mother's place is more to maintain keeping her residence from me than to avoid me outright.

I still don't understand that, but hey, some face time is face time. Hopefully it'll be a pleasant (and not too brief) trip.

I really love Molly (the chicken), so letting her go will be hard (good company AND 1-2 free eggs a day), but if it'll help smooth things over, then so be it.

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Re: I am father.

Post by Rat Fink on Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:33 pm

Rob, You have to fight tooth and nail to see your daughter!!. I'm sorry, but thats the facts. You have a daughter and she needs you. Period. Tell your ex she has absolutley no right to keep her from you.

I'm so angry right now.....but what I said stands.

You HAVE to man up!!

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Re: I am father.

Post by DroothR on Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:42 pm

Lily Rowan, born December 13th, 2009.



I found out today, at 17:30.

If timing works out, I meet her tomorrow afternoon.

Either way, it has been volunteered ( Shocked Very Happy ) that each and every Sunday will be set aside for me to spend time with her.

=')

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Re: I am father.

Post by NiteOwl on Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:58 pm

Rob, strap yourself in buddy...it's going to be a great ride. I'm so happy for you mate, I hope that you get to spend a hell of a lot of more time then just Sunday's though.

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Re: I am father.

Post by TheSweetestThing on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:23 pm

Holy crap Rob! Congratulations! Very Happy
Also, holy crap, what a head of hair! Shocked

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Re: I am father.

Post by The Dr Of Style on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:24 pm

wow....that's alot of hair.......Smile looks great........ all the best!

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Re: I am father.

Post by drspleen on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:25 pm

Congrats DUDE!

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Re: I am father.

Post by BoloMusashi on Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:56 pm

The Dr Of Style wrote:wow....that's alot of hair......

Was thinking the same thing .... kinda jealous to be honest. Congrats on the new bundle mate.

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Re: I am father.

Post by Hemish on Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:21 pm

Congrats mate, I hope you do get more than 1 day a week too.
Kids are so much fun

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Re: I am father.

Post by Sledge Hammer! on Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:47 pm

Congrats on your newfound fatherhood, and I hope everything else works out for you too.

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Re: I am father.

Post by TheGoodDr on Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:49 pm

Congrats Rob. Best thing you'll ever do is become a father. No matter how much time you spend with her, be sure to love her all that you can. I'm so happy for you bro.

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Re: I am father.

Post by Steve Holt on Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:40 pm

congrats!

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Re: I am father.

Post by behemoth on Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:43 am

Congratulations and all the best Rob - there is nothing on earth like being a father!

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Re: I am father.

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